2006 has ended, and a new year is beginning. This christmas has been upsetting for me, as my boyfriend decided to start over with his former partner again. I was supposed to come for a visit, and only hours before I was going to the bus, he called and said he didn't want me to come over after all... It felt like someone turned off the power-switch... I went blank. Have you seen "the Matrix"? When all the numbers fall down over the screen? That's how I felt like inside... And still... it didn't come as a shock. He was not finished with his former partner when we met, and I believed him when he said he was going to leave her for good. But something told me to hold back a bit... "Don't get too engaged untill you have certainty in this matter", I told myself... But I had given him a time-limit. Until new year. He kept the time limit... but he didn't choose me, as I had sort of grown into believing and trusting.
The feelings of abandonment didn't come until some days later. I was listening to "our" song; "Extraordinary ways" with Conjure One... and it felt like there was nothing else inside me but water. Hevy tears rolling down my wet face.
"On an ordinary day
The extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day
The extraordinary way
You turn to me and say
I believe in this..."
I did believe in this...
now it feels like my heart is broken..........
Will I ever trust a man again????
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