Rescent updates

I haven't actually run this place down, have I... well the reason is that I hvae had my head full with stuff... heavy stuff. Thoughts of my relationship; is this relationship good for me? Will I be happy with things as they are? Is he giving me the time, care and tenderness that I need? Am I really one of the most important persons in his life?

I am sorry to admit that neither of these questions deserves a 'yes'... And that is perhaps the reason why he finally last night dumped me. Yes... I sort of knew it was coming... because last week he went on a trip without wanting me to come with him. You might think that I don't give him space to do his things... but this trip was the first one for a long time we had time to go on toghether without his daughter, and it included folk dancing an interest we actually share. This decision of his hurt me quite a lot. I felt he was excluding me from the fine moments in his life and the ones that could make our relationship stronger, and I was moments from picking up my stuff in his apartment and leave. I even told him so when he came back from his little trip. I guess I gave him something to think about. And even though I also told him I wanted to give him a last chance, since we had so many positive plans made for this summer, he got to me first, and dumped me...

I packed my stuff, and he drove me home to my place. When I handed him his key, I started to cry... and then he held me close as to comfort me. It felt out of place! How on earth can he believe that it would comfort me!? He had just minutes before gone out of that role by telling me he and I was no longer in this kind of relationship!

I didn't sleep at all that night. And at work the next day, I was all tears. I visited a good friend of my later in the evening, and we talked untill I realized that he and I are not made to tango. Have you seen the childrens toys, the ones where you are supposed to put an object into a hole that matches the shape of the object? I felt he was a square, and I am a round hole... a difficult match...

But still it hurts so very much... I have an ocean of tears inside, and it seems they all want to escape from my inside all at once...

So how about all our summerplans...?? I don't know... how can I go on a trip that was supposed to be upbuilding for our relationship when I feel so ... dumped?

I wish I could push FastForward an end up in the summer 2008. At least I would have him out of my system by then...