My bloggerfriends

We have now opened our shared mindspace!! Be aware!!

Now TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER...

Painting - a meditation

I love colors. Playing with colors. Putting them together and see how they react to eachoter. Watching as layer upon layer with paint makes a picture. I don't paint. Really I don't! I just watch what happens when I put down the paint on my canvass. And I let everything happen... It's a wonderful kind of meditation. The world seem to disappear around me. There is only me, the canvass and my acrylic colors.

A normal tuesday?

Some tuesdays I go dancing. Folkdancing. It is sometimes quite challenging, but usually lots of fun! We dance lots of different dances, linedances, regular coupledances and songdances. 17 th of May, which is Norways national day, we were lots of people dancing on Karl Johan street (main street of Oslo). It was raining, but it didn't take the fun out of it. Lots of people were standing along Karl Johan watching us, and that is partly why we gather every tuesday. To practice so that we can perform in different arenas. And we are often asked to perform. Folkdancing is tradition in Norway, aspecially when performed in our national costume. I just love my national costume. My mother sowed it to me for my confirmation, and I feel very beautiful in it. (My sister (Nerdine) has a picture of me in my national costume on her blogsite.) But here I get sidetracked... I was going to tell about this tuesday...! We showed up for a regular dancing practice, only there were too few to have a practice. We waited for half an hour before deciding to go to the cinema instead! We bought six tickets for GEISHA, and sat down to have a drink before we entered the theater. During that time, three more people from our dancing group showed up (and now we were enough people to have our practice, only now we had already bought tickets...!) we ended up buying three more tickets, and all of us went to watch GEISHA. And what a beautiful movie! The atmosphere in the movie was absoulutely fabulous...! I have already decided to watch it again...! I thought I knew a lot about the lives of a Geisha... but I guess I was wrong. It tought me new things about a culture I obviously know too little about. Again I must humbly admit that what I thought I knew to be true was wrong. Life is a mystery, with many truths...!

Aaaah... Life is really wonderful!

Eckhart Tolle is a clever man. Lots of good thoughts in his book at least! Aspecially if one manage to put them into real life... As I have these past couple of days. I've sort of felt like lying in a mudhole. With my face in the mud. Not seeing past the dust and the blackness of the dirt. And somehow, my Angel (and Eckhart) managed to lift my head just the slightest bit up, so that I was able to see the light again! And how wonderful that is!! Finding the inspiration to pick myself up, dust myself of and start all over again! Just like in the song! Aaah! air! Creativity!! Love and life!! Fantastic!

Welcome back!

What makes me happy

- the scent of a flower
- the smile on my beloveds face
- a big cup of cocoa on a rainy day
- watching the sunrise
- feeling the water surround my body when I skinnydip with my boyfriend
- listening to a nice tune
- reading a joyful book
- painting a picture
- watching my boyfriend wake up next to me
- feeling the wind in my hair as i ride my bicyckle as fast as I can downhill
- hearing the song of the birds when I take a walk in the woods

The Power of Now - the problem of I

In the religious world we live in, there are a lot of 'isms. Thaoism, Judaism, Confusianism... amongst other religions like islam, christianity etc. But my point was to the religions ending with an 'ism. I am starting to believe that EGOISM might be one of them. In this world where we are complacent to what happens around us; our nextdoor neighbour (that we hardly know by name) has his car window smashed by some energetic kids, and we say"oh, it's a shame... I only hope he has the insurance that covers it," and we think" I'm glad it didn't happen to me... all the extra work it causes." Or even worse with the dying children we see in our livingroom through our television screen, or the young men and women being slaughtered because they live on the wrong side of the border somewhere in a religious conflict. Where is our feeling of responsibility?

What has happened to us?? Is it the Egotism we experience taking control over us? As long as I'm happy...?! As long as nothing bad happens to anyone in my family... with my friends...?? I experience it myself, but from a slightly different angle; I want things my way. I want to be happy!! Only I in some aspects puts the responsibility of how I feel over to my dear boyfriend, wanting him to act like this and that, so that I feel happyness. And this is where I fail. I have made him King of Happiness in my life (without even asking him if he wants this position). But only if he acts like this or that... I know I'm not in the position of asking this, but my Egotism has taken control over my life. My Ego wants pleasure, and has found the equation between pleasure and boyfriend, only making the wrong conclusion that HE is supposed to make me happy! My Egotism gets hurt when it feel him neglecting "me" but at least my egotism has found someone outside itself to blame. Or at least this is how I percieve it to be. It is not a good feeling; neglect. But who is neglecting who? Is it not really me who neglects ME? Is it not really me who is to blame for not feeling good!? Is it not only me that can make me feel good!? How do I turn this?

Eckhart Tolle has written a book called "The Power of Now". I have read paragraphs of it before, and yesterday I picked it up again. I want it to be true what he writes about, but a part of me (EGO?) has difficulties in understanding. Tolle talks about me being put together from two parts: The Ego who thinks different thoughts, and the Being who observes the Ego thinking. What I have problems in understanding then, is when he says that the I that you are, the Being that you are, is the true self. And that you can free yourself from the Ego = the thinker = the mind. He says "listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence. When you listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door. You'll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. it arises from beyond the mind."


But my trouble is this, and I'm going to try to formulate it without getting confused and mixed up in different terms... Here goes: What happens when the I am makes a recognition of the thinker and wants to get rid of it? When the I am starts to formulate a will? Is it not the thinker who has taken command? What when the I am says that I want to be free!? Which 'I' is talking? the 'I' in I am, or the 'I' in the thinker? And how do I become free?? I recognise the hurt as coming from the thinker, and I don't want to hurt any more... but which 'I' is talking? the 'I' of I am, or the 'I' of the egoistic thinker...??

HELP!!

I only hope reading some more paragraphs in the book might enlighten me...!

This is ... me

Me in a nutshell??

A natural wonder

Yesterday I rode my motorbike from Oslo to my mothers hometown. It was raining and the wind was playing around in the trees... and of course also on me who was riding like the wind! I was pretty wet and cold when I got to my mothers house. Sort of cleansed by wind and water... but more was needed to get me back on track...

I don't have a garden of my own in Oslo, but when I get to work in the garden as I do when I'm here at my mum's house, I seem to find balance in myself again. As my previous post told of, I'm thinking a lot about love these days. The feeling of not being heard, and not being loved as I love... And when I work with plants of the earth, clearning up weed, and leaves from last autumn, I get connected to myself and find myself being a bit childish in my thoughts about love. Do I have the right to expect him give back to me exactly what I give to him? Do I really want it to be so? Maybe I forget that he is his own person, with his own mind and his own ideas. Well... what do you expect from a person who have been single for 34 years... :-) And I don't really want to be in a relationship with someone exactly like me...!! B u t I realize that it takes more than a few months in a relationship to get used to another persons free mind...! I'm so lucky to be able to experience these feelings and thoughts! And Bless Mother nature for giving me insight to my own childishness and narrowsightedness... so that I may get back on the right track again, in giving all the love I have, and expect nothing back. That is how Our Mother shares her love with us. She gives freely, expecting nothing back. Allthough... living like this... we also seem to distroy her. But that is a theme for a new post another day...!

Life and Love is a wonder

Love

Who was it that sang "Love Hurts"...?? And why did they have to be right...!?

I'm experiencing this at the moment. All because me and my boyfriend have different needs, and different ways of communicating our needs. When I say something about my needs, he feels I'm nagging... And when I don't experience him comply with my needs (as I believe I do with his...in which he actually agrees that I do) I think he hasn't heard what I've been saying, so I start all over again...

Isn't it so that when you are in a relationship, you are also in a position where you give freely to your partner, but you also get from your partner...? It's supposed to be a living symbiosis where both parts gain from the relationship?? It's supposed to be in balance...? And when one part is giving more than what he or she gets, wouldn't that put the relationship in an unbalance?

Why do I feel so insecure, when all I want to feel is happiness and love for my boyfriend? Why is love so hard?